In just a few short days, my family and I will be flying to Spain, to see my husband’s family. As you might imagine, we are in the midst of the final push for getting ready- which means lots and lots of to-do lists. This time, I have an additional to do that was never there before- to put on my nipples.

As my breast cancer peeps can relate, this item is a crucial one towards feeling more like yourself again. There are many options- but I chose silicone, paste on nipples, after meeting Michelle- the owner and creator of Pink Perfect. She offers “ready to wear” nipples in every tone, shade, shape and size as well as custom made nipples for women who have a single mastectomy and wish to match their native nipple. I highly recommend her products!

It has been 11 years since we have gone back to Spain as a family, the last time we were there my oldest child was 5 months old. My mother-in-law was so proud, she fell in love with him and was so impressed by how rolly polly he was. She would exclaim to everyone one we came across that she knew (which feels like half the population of the small city that she lives in)- “SOLO TETA”. Solo teta translates to “just breast” in English- and in this case breast milk. She wanted everyone to understand that my body was fully responsible for creating such an exquisite child- and her praise made me laugh and smile at the same time.

It has been 20 years since my husband and I married in Spain, we were only 24 at the time. In those twenty years we have had a lifetime of experiences, we were caregiver to my mom before she died from metastatic breast cancer, both of our fathers have died, we created two children, we both obtained advanced degrees, I had cancer… it was never our intention to go so long between visits to Spain, but the curveballs kept coming and we had to keep recalibrating. Although we might have preferred a less tumultuous time line, we have nevertheless become more resilient for sticking through it together.

I have a feeling that this time, my mother-in-law will still be proud, and perhaps she will exclaim- No Tetas (no breasts) to everyone we pass, since that has changed since our last visit. If she does, I will celebrate right alongside her, with my paste on nipples and silicone boobs- because I am very lucky to have this chance to return again to a land I love. Something that could have been robbed from me had the cancer treatment not kicked cancer’s ass.

As I soak in this experience of a lifetime, the chance to be present with my husband and children as they encounter a major piece of their heritage, the chance to hug and kiss all of the wonderful family and friends we have there, the chance to return to my second home… I will be absorbing it with the deep appreciation for life that cancer has brought me, knowing that life can change on a dime.

This practice- of drinking in the moment with my body, mind, spirit, and self is something that we can all cultivate as an homage to the value of being alive. I wonder- what are your special moments and places (big or small) that bring you fully alive? I would love it if you would share them with me, either in the comments below or by email.

-Stephanie McLeod-Estevez, LCPC, is an art therapist and breast cancer survivor, and a former oncology counselor at the Dempsey Center. She began Creative Transformations to help others who are healing from a life threatening illness or injury. Through Creative Transformations, she works with people in person and online to offer cancer coaching, an Art as Therapy program, workshops, and this weekly blog. Check out the individual packages, the self assessment tool, and virtual workshops.  Sign up today so you never miss a blog and find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.