In a couple of weeks, I will be packing up my boobs and mailing them off to Illinois. That is, the casts of my breasts, that I have used as the canvas to process my experience of having cancer. They will be a part of an art show, curated by the artist Caren Helene Rudman, at the Evanston Art Center titled “Undefinable: Women’s Health in America”. I am so thrilled and honored to be included with this group of artists, who are exploring a wide range of health issues and their impact on each individual artist.
I’ve never been in an art show before, and thinking of myself as an artist can send me cringing. Yet, when I look at what I produced thus far, I do feel deeply that each cast really reflects my experience, and that lends me confidence to send a piece of myself off to be witnessed by others, and hopefully be in service of whatever healing they are seeking. Since this is an opportunity that found me, I am going to trust that I am worthy of it.
Having a life threatening illness is not something that any of us wishes for; however, the unexpected opportunities that arise because of it often bring richness into our lives. In particular, the retreats and conferences that exist for the survivors. I recently presented the workshop, Building Resiliency, at a breast cancer retreat weekend that has been operating for 30 years. Listening to the women, it was clear that while none of them ever wanted to have cancer, the relationships they built with other survivors and life transformations that happened as a result were priceless.
Being a part of that club gives us the opportunity to confront the 4 universal fears that I have referenced before- fear of being along, of dying, of losing freedom, of losing our sense of purpose. Facing them head on is an opportunity to grow, to evaluate the direction of our lives, and to consider making some changes that allow us to question what might be expected of us and take chances by going the unanticipated path.
Recognizing the opportunities doesn’t mean squelching the much needed grieving process that any significant loss of innocence entails, it is the opposite. In order to fully live each breath that we are given in this life, it is important to create space for the full story to co-exist side-by-side.
– Stephanie McLeod-Estevez, LCPC, is an art therapist and breast cancer survivor, who works as an oncology counselor at the Dempsey Center. She began Creative Transformations to help others who are healing from a life threatening illness or injury. Through Creative Transformations, Stephanie works with people in person and online to offer cancer coaching, a DIY Individual Art Therapy program to enhance any healing work you are undertaking; workshops; and this weekly blog. Sign up today so you never miss one by visiting our website, Creative Transformations, where you will also find the links to our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages.