Being a cancer survivor frequently creates a deep awareness of how well we actually know ourselves. It may begin with an intuitive sense that something is really wrong, and then assist us in continuing to push for diagnostics to understand what is happening. It may begin as an instinctual understanding of who we need on our team, or how we are going to respond to an intervention.
When I was diagnosed, I finally understood why I had been feeling so off for about 6 months. At the time I sort of chalked it up to waning interest in my fitness activities, but even changing them did not truly lift the feeling. The dream I had about having breast cancer is how I found the lump, but in retrospect my body had been talking to me for quite some time.
In my conversations with other cancer survivors, they share uncanny insights that they have had through the treatment process, which have often been right on. Thus the phrase, to thy own self be true.
What gets tricky, of course, is that at some point most of us confront the challenge of distinguishing between the information that comes from our inner wisdom and the fears that cause disruption to our sense of security and self-confidence. The turning point often coincides with slowing down enough to process what is or has happened to us, which can feel like a tidal wave.
Our innate wisdom, our gut sense, our deep knowing, truly has an unique energetic quality to it. It is often subtle as we practice trusting it, getting stronger and stronger the more we listen to its wisdom. For those of us who were actively encouraged to ignore our instinctual insight as a child or as an adult in a toxic relationship, reclaiming this power does take time. It takes a leap of faith, yet what awaits us on the other side is so valuable.
This is where the therapeutic value of processing what we have been through can really assist us. Through the unpacking and repacking of the most important moments of our lives, we can gain validation, new perspective, emotional release, and the opportunity to create a little more distance from what we have been through. When we have distance from something, we are more able to manage our response to and understanding of what it is.
Since life threatening experiences impact us on so many levels, we often run into barriers of communicating exactly what we have been through. Words do have limits to how accurately we can express ourselves, which is why the use of art is so powerful. As we learn to translate the non-verbal parts of our internal experience through color, shape, and form, we frequently find both a release of what it represents and the words that validate our experience.
This process of validation brings a deeper connection to our self, our innate wisdom, and the confidence that we have lost because we have been diagnosed with cancer. Whether you choose to engage yourself through meditation, art or some other form of non-verbal experiencing is less important, than the gift of time to allow yourself to try.
As Shel Silverstein reminds us in his poem, “The Voice”:
There is a voice inside of you that whispers all day long, “I feel this is right for me, I know that this is wrong”
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend or wise man can decide what is right for you– just listen to
The voice that speaks inside
– Stephanie McLeod-Estevez, LCPC, is an art therapist and breast cancer survivor, and a former oncology counselor at the Dempsey Center. She began Creative Transformations to help others who are healing from a life threatening illness or injury. Through Creative Transformations, Stephanie works with people in person and online to offer cancer coaching, a DIY Individual Art Therapy program to enhance any healing work you are undertaking; workshops; and this weekly blog. Sign up today so you never miss one by visiting our website, Creative Transformations, where you will also find the links to our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages.