Last year I had my ovaries removed as a preventative measure against ovarian cancer, thanks to the BRCA2 mutation that I have.  My body that it had just recovered from the “chemo-pause” we had been through, and while I agreed with the treatment plan it was still sad to have my fertility come to an abrupt and definitive end.

One side effect from the surgery, of course, was the onslaught of hot flashes.  While they aren’t fun, I have enjoyed the testament to how youthful my body still was, in my mind the anthem would go like “Screw you, BRCA 2!”.  Within the past week, however, I have noticed that the frequency and intensity of those hot flashes are diminishing, and in it’s wake I am feeling a little sad.  It feels like the final chapter of a beloved novel, the end of an era.

Grieving a loss or change brings up surprises as you go through the process.  There are the more obvious triggers, such as the anniversary of an important life event, but more often we are caught off guard by the unanticipated triggers of our grieving process.  I believe it is those unanticipated triggers that can cause one to feel a sense of alarm.  We wonder at the intensity of our sensitivity to those triggers, which can really eat away at our confidence to manage our feelings and impact our relationship with our body, mind, spirit, and sense of self.

It can be profoundly draining, especially at the beginning.  If we (or others) are impatient with this process, we run the risk of doing more harm. Developing a practice of self compassion and grounding creates space for the triggers to express themselves.  If we are able to listen to the messages of the triggers, we will be more capable of releasing them and re-integrating them into our psyche.

When this is happening, it is a great time to grab your art journal and art supplies.  Give yourself, and your experience, the gift of time.  Imagine your journal is a safe container that is there simply to capture the essence of what is happening inside of you, so that you can return to it when you are ready.

– Stephanie McLeod-Estevez, LCPC, is an art therapist and breast cancer survivor, who works as an oncology counselor at the Dempsey Center. She began Creative Transformations to help others who are healing from a life threatening illness or injury. Creative Transformations offers individual sessions, in person or via Skype, workshops, and this weekly blog. Sign up today so you never miss one by visiting:, where you will also find the links to our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages.